Suburban Bliss:: Birth Control Via The Written Word

Yes I realize I haven't posted in a while.

Monday was a fine day of relaxing and trying to recover from my weekend which involved a night at a concert where I caused my husband's friend to say, "You know, I've known you for five years and I've never seen you drunk, until tonight."

And it was true, I "let loose" as the kids (may or may not say). When we arrived home (via a sober designated driver) I chatted with the babysitter which is the adult version of talking to your parents while pretending like you haven't been drinking.

We had a nice conversation most of which I don't remember. And in the morning I couldn't recall if I had paid her as I pretended to be a not a little more than tipsy responsible adult. That was a fun phone call. "Hi, Emma? Uhm...Not that I had more than a responsible amount of alcohol or anything. Actually I have amnesia, it comes and goes. Who is this?!" 

Tuesday was the election and so the kids had no school. I was okay with this as long as Maine kept their gay marriage laws intact. But no....the kids stayed home for nothing. I mean aside from preventing a crazy person walking unfettered into the school to vote and making a detour to shoot innocent kids. 

On Wednesday I spent a greater portion of the day than I'd like to admit talking to myself (and Twitter) about what utter bull shit it is to deny adults the right to marry who they love.

I stated it nicely.

"I have very little patience for people who think they are entitled to anything they justify denying others."

And I was also a bit prickly, which probably horrified the moms from school who have unknowingly "friended" me on Facebook not realizing what a crap shoot that is. 

"Clearly my love has more value because I like a penis in my vagina. Hold on a minute...why can't we let gay people get married again?"

People get a little shy around words like Penis and Vagina. Unfortunately that forces me to say those words more.

I also tried to do a Did They Eat It on Thursday. And, because I get overwhelmed by reading more than 10 sentences in a row, apparently. I failed to notice the part where the chili simmers for 2 hours. Did They Eat It: Middle Of The Night Edition. Logan and I ate the chili at 10 o clock, like we did with the stupid potatoes from last week and oh my it was good. But seriously I have to pull my head out of my ass at some point.

And Now it's Friday and, OH MY GOD we almost didn't have any plans! You guys, Logan and I would have just been SITTING AROUND doing NOTHING! Logan mentioned, "Hey, we have nothing on the calendar this weekend, how did that happen?" And I said, "Wow, that sounds nice. We should get a movie to watch or something."

And now we're having a bunch of families over for pizza. I hope everyone wants to snuggle on the sofa in front of the fire.

Halloween 2009: Bacon Edition

I kind of hate dressing up for Halloween. I know there are people who think I am "crafty" and that perhaps I "enjoy" making things, but this is generally untrue.

Generally I like things to be finished, so however I can get to "finished" as fast as possible is how I go.

I have friends who LOVE dressing up for Halloween, sometimes even throwing in an extra night of dressing up like we looked in the 80's. Except that of course they love this because these friends have had four kids and can still wear their prom dress.

I did not attend prom, my thigh might be able to wear a dress I would have worn to prom in the 80's and also I spent pretty much every day of the 80's thinking my life would always suck as badly as it did right then.

So, ahem, my friends and I are on different pages as far as dressing up in costume is concerned. They love it. I do not.

For the last 4 years I've managed to be something reasonably lame at the annual Halloween party. I slapped a mustache on one year, wore a bandit mask another, oh and there was that regrettable year I was what I like to call, "What was available one hour before the party began."

This year I had big plans to be bacon! I know everyone on the internet is So Over bacon but I live in the Midwest where everyone is just starting to "get" the bacon joke (and the mustache joke), so put a lid on it San Francisco.

I bookmarked this costume months ago and had every intention of amazing my friends with my magical full-on-effort-exerted costume. Until I priced the foam ($15 a YARD?) and started to read through the directions...at step 9 (of 17) I was out.

Like I said, I like things that are finished.

Instead Logan had a friend at work in possession of a Cookie Monster costume which I wore to the delight of my friends.

The costume was fine except that I was hot as hell and I nearly died of dehydration. I had to spend the entire night outside in the back yard trying not to pass out. (I hate Halloween.)

The only problem I was left with after that hot sweaty night proving to my friends that I don't ALWAYS have a lame costume, was that I told Madison she could be bacon after I was done with the costume and now there was no costume.

I procrastinated and thought about how I could get out of making a bacon costume. I tried to buy one but it was expensive and was really just a stupid bacon scarf. I just wanted it to be finished as that is the goal of all my projects. Done, quickly.

Finally, last week after we came home from our relaxing trip up north I braved the fabric store wearing full body armor. I hate the fabric store, I know I'm not alone because I saw the bodies of several small children laying in the aisles, dead, after waiting for their mothers to stop looking at fabric already.

I moved quickly locating red, pink and white felt. If you don't want to die at the fabric store you have to move.

I needed something to make the top of the bacon stay square but I was no way in hell going to buy a full suit of foam at $15 a yard. (Hate Halloween) So I found a square piece of foam that cost $10 (Stop taking my money Halloween) and took that.

I stood in line at the cutting table for 39 hours, when it was my turn I jammed the scissors into my eyeball and then asked for 4 yards of the red felt (eyeballing how tall I think Maddie is), 1 yard of the pink and a half yard of the white.

I didn't even take pictures of the process because I performed the task with such terrible haste and annoyance. But here's how I did it.

I traced around the back of Madison's head and cut a circle out of the foam square. I had her put her face inside the hole, draped the red felt over her making sure the felt covered just the back of her head and most of her front. I marked where to cut the face opening out of the red felt and I then stapled it into place.

The next day I made rough strips of white and pink and hot glued them to the front.

Maddie loved the costume mainly because everyone yelled, "HEY! It's Bacon!" at her as she trick or treated. People also said, "You just take whatever you want." from their bowls of candy because she was Bacon and people can't resist it. 

And best of all, it's finished.

Retreat.

The cabin is up north on Grand Traverse Bay, it's kind of back behind the woods a ways and every time we drive up (even as a kid when I'd go up to babysit for my favorite family) I get a tingly little head rush. For the first hour I walk around seeing what's different than the last time I was there and also taking deep breaths reminding myself to savor every moment. Especially now, when time away with Logan is so rare.

The place belongs to a friend of a friend. My sister in law once told me this little rule of thumb, "Friends of Friends Can't Invite Friends." Luckily no one told these friends about this rule because we'd be out of luck. Truly we could have gone anywhere and we'd be happy just to have the time away. But on the first day when it rained, it was nice to have an excuse to stay in all cozied up watching the water.

Getting The Robot to sit down and relax is not easy. He has a touch of the ADD mixed with a program malfunction that makes him constantly doing 23 things. Luckily the cabin acts as a sedative. He took it so easy I started to feel antsy, this is noteworthy since I am a champion loafer.

We spent a lot of time reading, sighing and watching for the eagles that have nested on the property. 

We watched scary movies and tried to freak ourselves out. It didn't really work. 

We did a pub crawl in Sutton's Bay which consists of four bars. We made it to three of them. We skipped the fourth since it looked like we'd hate it. We started our pub crawl at 4pm and were just in time to drink with the Early Bird Special Diners.

Fall is definitely the best reason to live in Michigan. Being up north in the summer has definite appeal, the slow pace, the smell of sunscreen and the sand sticking to your feet. I love going to dinner at crowded restaurants at the end of the day with lots of other families with kids who have been playing in the sun all day. Everyone gets dessert, even if you didn't eat all your dinner because, "We're on vacation."

Fall up north is quieter and, in my opinion, prettier, even on rainy cold days. Places that are usually packed with people are empty. Perfect for quietly remembering why you like being half of a couple with a Robot.

Then it's time to go home and about eight hours later you're screaming at the kids to "STOP FIGHTING AND START BRUSHING" at bedtime.

Serenity now.

I think you can see my dilemma.

Gone Fishing, by fishing I mean I'm not writing

Logan and I have managed to get away (not for a marathon) to the cabin we spent our honeymoon at years ago in northern Michigan.

It is so lovely here I just don't see how we can leave.

We have another day and a half where I plan to soak up the magic that is this little place on the bay.

Tuesday is a lot nicer up here.

Did They Eat It: Sausage & Egg Baked Potatoes

I'm not sure how to start this Did They Eat It. I'm still in awe over how everything went so terribly wrong...this should have been one of the easiest dinners I've ever made. It's essentially a twice baked potato.

The recipe, from Real Simple, said it would take 10 minutes of prep and 1hr 15 minutes total to be complete. I put the potatoes in at 5:10pm. Apparently these potatoes were filled with titanium. We didn't eat until 7:45pm. By that point we ate both cats and Maddie's arms. The recipe says it should take about 45 minutes to bake the potatoes and it took about 18 hours (1.5 hours) for us. I could have made a turkey dinner with all the trimmings....plus a couple extra for the neighbors.

Oh My God.

I did pick large baking potatoes so maybe it was my fault. Sorry family plus a guest we invited over for dinner. I'm not sure I'm ever going to effortlessly pull off dinner.

Anyway, I doubled the recipe because we invited Logan's coworker/friend for dinner and also because I think this recipe is generally meant as a brunch dish.

Get yourself four potatoes and scrub them. Does anyone else get itchy skin and eyes when they scrub baking potatoes? Every time I start sneezing and my eyes and skin itch. Logan claims this is a fake allergy, but if it was wouldn't I have the same reaction when I tried to do the laundry or clean the bathroom?

,

Poke your potatoes with a fork.

Put them in the oven, my oven mind you has never given me trouble cooking things in a normal amount of time. Apparently these potatoes were filled with gold and needed to get REALLY hot to cook through.

The recipe, as I mentioned, said it would take 45 minutes for these potatoes to cook. This is where the lies begin.

I don't know what this is going to be about...I guess it's about money.

So very little is going on over here I have cob webs on my hair, dust is collecting on my keyboard...I'm just sort of waiting for something to happen.

I told the girls at Broad Summit how I like to get up in the morning, get the kids off to school, unload the dishwasher, throw a load of laundry in, get dressed for yoga or for the day and then, I take my computer back upstairs and sit on my bed working on whatever comes up. "You stay in your bedroom for most of the day?" they asked, with concern.

And, yeah, I do. I know! I promised myself I'd stop but it's so cozy and the light is really good and I don't get distracted by the tv, or the rug that needs vacuuming or the fact that my front porch/mudroom could be a lot more efficient.

The only problem I see, aside from having to say I spent my day in my bedroom, is that not very much happens in my bedroom. (At least not things that I can write about.)(Hey-Oh!) So that's kind of a bummer.

Back in May we gave up our second car, and that's been going reasonably well.

Overall it works out reasonably well, there are really only about one or two times a week when I curse the lack of an extra car. Our friends are very kind about helping us out, picking up kids for things and helping us to juggle this experiment when necessary. We've also seen pretty clearly what a luxury (for our family and our lifestyle) having a second car is. Also interesting to note, two of our friends are also one car families, is this a recession trend?

Probably the best thing about cutting the second car payment and the related costs of it out of our budget, is we were able to put our finances back in a better place after the (painful) pay cuts we both took this year. That is incredibly empowering for someone like me who hates money and all the stress and uncertainty of it. 

Does anyone else feel like this? You cut items out of your budget and it seems as though that money just magically disappears into some other hole that needs to be filled (whoa...unintended sexual innuendo). I am a financial dolt, but we moved to save money and it was almost immediate that we took pay cuts. So thank God we moved of course but still it was kind of a blow.

Still, the fact that there's no car, and now it's a little cold outside for a bike, means my bedroom becomes even more appealing. Please send cats! I'm going to be a crazy cat person. Alone in my bedroom.

Okay I gotta go out to lunch or something. Do you want to have lunch?

Oh shoot, can you pick me up?

Damn!

Did They Eat It: Smoky Chipotle Chicken Tortilla Soup

Cooking has been slowly making its way back onto my radar. This could be because it's (not really but feels like) winter now and the cold makes it hard to want to leave the house. Or perhaps it was the cries of the children, "Pasta!? Again?" That triggered my guilt and need to put something good in the mouths of my children. Of course "something good" means something very different to me than it does to the children.

I had a craving for soup so I decided to browse Ree's new project Tasty Kitchen looking for a recipe for some form of Chicken Tortilla Soup. I'm guessing Ree does not work in her bed in her pajamas. I might try working at a desk, maybe then I'd be as productive as this woman. Only not.

I settled on Smoky Chipotle Chicken Tortilla Soup which sounded like I'd at least like it.

I bought a rotisserie chicken at Costco. $5.00! And no, I didn't feel a little silly buying razors, a chicken and a case of Sierra Nevada. I also bought a hunk of queso blanco.

If you ever want to either become a vegetarian or revel in your carnivorous status, might I suggest tearing a rotisserie chicken apart with your hands? wow.

Broad Summit 2009 : Feminism 101

I was incredibly fortunate to be invited to The Broad Summit this past weekend and I've been asleep ever since.

I called Logan Friday night and said, "I just don't know how I'm going to talk this much for the entire weekend." And he said, "Uh, you went away on a weekend with 30-ish women, what did you think was going to happen?" I guess I thought we'd IM each other. But thankfully we did not IM each other because it's kind of crazy to laugh so much at a computer screen. But laughing (a lot) with a group of women sitting all around you, that's okay!

We gathered at Boon Hotel and Spa in Guernville, California and I arrived with Jenny, Laurie, Chris and Susan via a very nice Toyota Highlander that Toyota trusted us to drive around in. Now that the car is safely back in their possession I can tell Toyota about my pesky habit of wanting to drift off to sleep whenever I drive on a long stretch of monotonous highway or about how I have had one accident while actually driving my car but I tend to bash my car into non-moving objects while going 10mph or less. Thanks Toyota!

Let's see, I had a massage, had a skincare consultation, ate really good food, learned a lot about wine, tasted a lot of wine & consumed a lot of wine. I took a nap with two other women (less sexy than it sounds) and gave my pants to another woman (also less sexy than it sounds).

I learned more about how people are making their websites pay them for their hard work and was inspired to keep focusing on making this site what I want it to be, without giving away content or being taken advantage of by corporations who see blogs as a free advertising service.

No wonder I've been sleeping for the last 24 hours.

I've been thinking a lot lately about the nature of jealousy between women. How instead of trying to build each other up a lot of the time we seem to fall into a really ugly pattern of tearing down women we feel are more attractive, funny, friendly, successful, or whatever, than us. I see it on the internet, but I see it in my every day life even more often.

Recently I made a new friend, someone whose gregarious nature and love of having her picture taken really intimidated me. I even caught myself a couple of times resenting her ease in her own skin because I often feel so not at ease in my own skin and in front of the camera look incredibly hideous most of the time.

It dawned on me so clearly in that moment that while I can only be who I am, I can also choose to look at others and be inspired by their achievments, or sense of style, or personal drive, or sense of humor or ease in social situations. Or I can try to tear them down (mentally or by being bitchy and rude). I don't have to be someone I'm not, but admiring someone else for their talents doesn't minimize all the wonderful things about me.

I realize this sounds so simple and it is, and really all of this is not something we're entirely conciously aware of. But since I've realized this aspect of being a woman, I've wanted to hold all of my girlfriends closer and that makes me happy.

This weekend was an extension of that feeling and I'm incredibly grateful to Maggie, Laura, Aubrey and HelenJane for making it happen (with a little help from the Broad Summit Sponsors).

Most importantly, I did not catch my period from anyone.

(You can see a list of all the wonderful and inspiring attendees here and you can view other people's pictures from the weekend (because I was too busy picking my nose to take a lot of pictures) here.)